Failing Relationships: Why Do We Stay in Them?

Why do we stay in marriages or relationships after repeated instances of abuse or disinterest from our lover? This individual is supposed to honor you, love and cherish you, respect your values and opinions, comfort you when you’re upset, or tired of the kids, or angry with something your mother said, or pissed that you don’t have enough money to do something that you really, really want to do, or annoyed that they didn’t comment on the new “thing” that you did/bought/tried to make yourself look/feel more attractive for them. You know, cause you feel them slipping.

Slipping.

It starts out so quiet and subtle, barely perceptible, but there just the same.

They’re not wrapping their arms around you and whispering tenderly in your ear while you’re cooking anymore, or running a nice bubble bath for you when you walk crawl through the door after a particularly heinous day at work, like they used to. You’ve noticed them spending more time watching t.v. in the next room or downstairs, or cooking meals and eating without you. Huh? You have to walk into the kitchen and realize that they’ve cooked, without even saying, “Food’s ready.” Or, “Are you ready to eat?”

Something.

Hell, anything.

Why do we stay? Is fear of being alone more important than our sense of self-worth? Is fear of what others will think about our failing/failed relationship more important than our sense of pride? Are we still using “the kids” and “keeping the family together” as a crutch, instead of the premise that being whole and healthy is far better for our family, even if we are apart?

At some point, you have to realize that the quality of your life does not depend on another individual making you happy. Figuring out what your version of happiness is and then pursuing itโ€”-is solely up to you. Life is entirely too fleeting and fragile to waste time being unhappy or feeling unfulfilled.

When we free ourselves from stagnant thinking and being, we allow positive energy to enter our ‘space’ and open the door to new possibilities, relationships, and life experiences. Choose to live unburdened. Your future self is depending on it.

Source: Featured Photo Credit- fuu-j on Unsplash

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10 thoughts

  1. Hum, I wish I had a glass of port wine to savor with this post. This is a topic that I visit many times and to which I still don’t have a functional answer. Why do we stay… Lately, I have tried to escape the tendency, but there is this constant question inside my head too: will I ever be happy/satisfied? Is there really a better option for me? It’s daunting to escape and hurtful to stay. I’m trying to accept I don’t hold the answers and maybe I never will. The fairy tale dream still lingers though. “Choose to live unburdened”, I think this is the best attitude for now. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I have an answer that applies to me, personally, but Iโ€™m sure itโ€™s different for everyone. My choices reflected where I was emotionally at the time. A good port sounds like a great idea… ๐Ÿท๐Ÿ˜Š

      Liked by 2 people

  2. This is a great post… and a difficult one to answer. Relationships can change in very different ways and you’re never going to stay in the honeymoon period forever. But I guess when you’re eating separetely through choice (and not different timetables) and not communicating, then that’s when there’s trouble. Communicate, communicate. If communication breaks down irreparably, then it’s time to leave…
    Thanks for the reminder that we only live once! And if relationships are ‘just’ stale and monotony has set in, this could be a wake-up call!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Eilidh, this comment went to Spam along with a few others for some reason…sorry for the delay in responding. I think that you touched on an important topic and that is communication. Once that falls apart it’s hard to repair, along with any other “issues” in the relationship. Thanks for your insight and for responding!

      Liked by 1 person

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