Musings of a M.a.d.woman #5

It’s Monday already and I had a fairly productive week, last week. I actually feel good about it, even though it nearly killed me to erase all of my previous posts on IG and start a fresh grid. Legit.

I’ve been collecting content ideas for months and playing around with different apps that make your social media persona come to life. Honestly, I’m still not sure if my new grid completely represents me as well as I’d like, so I may change it again, until I find that fit’.

In other news, my depression has been trying to creep up on me, all stealth-like and whatnot. I’ve been working overtime for a hot minute— to keep from having a major, downward spiral ofwhatcanonlybedescribedbyme as the lowest, darkest feeling a person can have. I hate that mess. Your natural energy is just depleted.

I don’t care how many things you know need doing, you can’t complete them the way you want, if at all. And that can be overwhelming.

The silver lining, however, is that eight months ago, I wouldn’t have been able to complete any real tasks. Things were baaad. You can learn a little more about one of my worst mental health relapses here https://thegplace.com/2019/03/15/grief-and-dare-i-say-anger/ .

Presently, while I feel the little ninjas trying to distract me from all that is good in my life, I am able to focus on other things. And that is such a blessing and relief! Last month I began working on a new venture, and because my creative writing had taken a nosedive (my characters stopped speaking to me), all of my energy was diverted to learning something new. I’m excited about it and hope to be able to share in due time…

As most of you know, I also spent 2 weeks with Jaxon. I really enjoyed having a little person in the house again. There’s something innately comforting about the sound of tiny voices and pattering footsteps in a house. A sound I’d forgotten about until the last two years or so, or whenever he began walking/running. Having Jax in the house buffered any kickingdowndoor action that depression might have tried, and my God, I’m so grateful for that. I’ll take relief any way that I can get it.

Physically, because I’ve felt a heavier sensation of fatigue, I’ve been stretching and spending more time outdoors in the sun. Emotionally, because I’m more aware of what I’m feeling (and not pushing it away) and why I’m feeling it, I’m better able to recognize, question, and re-frame troubling thoughts. I DO believe, that awareness is a powerful gift. More on that later…

So, yeah. I will continue doing the work for myself that no one else can. And drop-kicking those worrisome a$$ depression-ninjas, EVERY time they ‘try me.’

Mental health relapse and recovery is REAL. In the same manner that most of us recognize the severity of addiction relapse and recovery, mental illness is also a disease that demands 100% participation from its involuntary hosts.

But what do I know?

Anywhoooo, y’all keep it in the road and fight every single day to create the kind of space you want to be in.

Hugs and blessings….

Photo Credit: Rohit Guntur on Unsplash

5 thoughts

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.